This is the second post written by my husband. I was going to call it a ‘guest post,’ but he seems to be interested in blogging and may become a regular contributor on Foreign Sanctuary. I was also going to put in my two cents worth, but I think I will keep my thoughts about the topic for another day. Personally, I think it is a great example of how far we have come in terms of accepting people for who they are and of course, there are a couple of jokes directed my way at the beginning! 🙂
However, I will provide some background information before you start reading his post. My husband and some of his friends from college get together every Chinese New Year Eve after having dinner with their respective families and they play Mahjong well into the night and sometimes continue playing until dawn. The usual three come to our house every year to play but sometimes eight or even 10 of his former classmates show up to catch up with each other and it turns into a mini-reunion. It has been a tradition that has been going on for at least ten years (my husband has hosted the last five) and I am sure it will continue on for many more.
Mahjong: A Lunar New Year’s Eve Tradition
My buddies and I will get together every Lunar New year’s eve to play “Mahjong,” a gambling game often played among family and friends. We will always chat about what has happened in life during the games. Most of time we are just joking around and enjoying some liquor. I know it sounds awkward that we’re gambling and drinking at the same time. That’s because winning money is not really the main purpose of these games. We are more interesting in catching up and socializing.
Since I was the one who always ended up losing, my wife always told me not to lose too much money whenever I played. One year, I told her that “You shouldn’t tell me not to lose lots of money before I even start to gamble.” I told her that she should phrase it this way – “Please win lots of money and bring it home, so we can splurge during the holidays” and since she started telling me to win, I have always won ever since. Well, at least for the past couple of years. I guess wishing me bad luck or good luck has made a huge difference. LOL. 😀
Modern World, Modern Thoughts
One of my buddies plays every year. My wife calls him “ Mafia Man,” because of his gesture on his Facebook profile picture but I will call him “Howie” here. While playing this year, Howie said that he is a little bit concern about his son, his only son, who is studying in Junior High. And we all asked “What are your concerns?” He said out loud that he’s worried about him being gay and not being able to carry on his family name. We all had curious faces and asked him how could he tell if he is gay or not? Then he said that he shows no signs of being interested in girls. We all said “Oh, Really? What did you do about it?”
He said that he sat down with his wife and had a long conversation about it. And they have come to the conclusion of accepting it and loving him. It doesn’t matter which gender he’ll be in love with. We all said we’re so proud of you guys. Then he said it’s a modern world now, so they should have modern thoughts.
Then he told us that he went to ask his son about being gay. He told us that his son told him he’s not gay. We all shouted it out loud and said “You’re worrying for nothing.” But, then he disagreed and said he never ever sees his son interested in boy’s stuff. And that’s why he still didn’t believe him yet. He also told his son they will be there for him no matter if he’s gay or not. What an outstanding family they are!
Weighing Heavily on His Mind
Shortly after, another incident happened. Two of my cycling buddies (also former classmates) were out sightseeing and they posted a picture of them shoulder to shoulder on Line. These two buddies are not married yet. So Howie kind of joked about the picture and commented “What a lovely couple!” One of the guys in the picture messaged back by using the above LINE image: “WTF? “ (WTF is the best way to translate this LINE image in English.) When I saw these messages I was giggling to myself and thinking about commenting on the picture too, but I didn’t. I was waiting for Howie’s response.
Guess what Howie wrote back jokingly:
Don’t be shy! It’s OK being gay in this era and reveal it to the world!
The guy wrote back: “We’re not a couple! We’re like brothers, good buddies!”
By the way, these two guys are not gay and Howie knows that too. He was just kidding around. Like what Howie said: It’s a modern world now, we all should have modern thoughts and be supportive for our family members. However, I really believe the fact that his son may be gay weighs heavily on his mind and this is the reason why he thought that about the posted picture on Line.
What about you?
So what would you do if this happened to you as parents?
My thought is I will be supportive as well if I was in Howie’s situation. I know it may be hard and a shock at first, but they are who they are. I believe if you forced your kids to change who they are, you’re just going to ruin the relationship as a family and the child may end up resenting you.